Black & White by Shapiro Dani

Author:Shapiro, Dani [Shapiro, Dani]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2007-04-03T04:00:00+00:00

SOMETIMES, during those early years in Southwest Harbor, Clara felt the story of her life gathering inside her, brewing like a storm. First she would feel it somewhere deep in her stomach, a torrent of words all knotted up; then it would slowly make its way up her throat and finally into her mouth. Bitter, explosive. What’s the big deal? she would argue with herself, during those rare times she was sitting across the table from another mom, a woman who might be divulging some secrets of her own. It was all so long ago. Wouldn’t it be a relief just to let the words spill out?

The problem was Sammy. At least that’s what Clara told herself. Sammy—her spitting image—whom Clara could protect, at least for now. She shuddered to think of Sammy seeing The Accident. Or Clara with the Lizard. She wondered if she should go talk to someone—Jonathan had often urged her to get professional help—but what could anyone tell her that would change things?

“Who are you protecting?” Jonathan asks her.

They are sitting on the front porch. Sammy is swinging on the brand-new tire swing Jonathan has tied to the low branch of the oak. Sammy: age four. Her dark hair glinting gold in the sunlight. Her tanned legs pumping, arms holding the thick rope. Was this what Ruth had first seen, this simple beauty—this heartbreaking innocence? The long line of her neck, the flawlessness of her skin? Clara knows the feeling—now, as a mother, she knows. The desire to devour, the almost physical need to envelop and keep safe. Was this—was this how Ruth had looked at her in the bathtub that day? The mother and the artist so completely inseparable that Ruth was driven to capture the moment, to control it—to compose it—and by doing so, freeze it forever in time?

“I’m protecting Sammy,” Clara answers.

“Are you sure?” Jonathan is acting as if he knows something Clara doesn’t. It’s infuriating.

“What are you getting at?”

“I don’t know, honey.” He rubs her feet. “I just think—maybe—there’s going to come a time when—”

“She’s four years old!”

“All the more reason to start introducing the whole idea now, so it won’t seem like such a big deal, as opposed to someday having to actually sit her down and—”

She jumps up. Needing, suddenly, to get away from Jonathan. He’s talking about things he doesn’t understand.

“I think you’re protecting yourself,” Jonathan says quietly.

Her rage feels childish, even to herself. Jonathan’s only trying to help. She knows that. But still—

“Let’s go,” she says. Changing directions, hoping he’ll follow suit. It’s a quiet Monday afternoon and there’s a lot of work to do in the shop. They catch up on paperwork on Mondays, usually, especially in summer when the shop is jammed with tourists during the rest of the week.

“Clara, really, I—”

“Please.”

Something in her face must stop him. He adores her—this much she knows—and he feels for her, as much as anyone can. But how long will it be okay with him, the slammed door inside of her? He doesn’t entirely realize that she has no intention of opening it ever.

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